Journal of an English Gentleman

Well, with as much as has been going on of late, I suppose a means of organizing my thoughts would be useful. Gilbert seems to like this method, and as long as it remains private...

Ah, where to begin?

My family is in tatters these days, and I suppose that is my top concern. Well, I more than suppose...My inappropriate actions with America has left things awkward for the both of us and upset Australia to boot. It was a confusing experience and made me feel things I have no right to feel. I had to lie and tell America it was just the booze talking. It would have been selfish to do anything else. America and I could never be more than family, and I don't even want more than that now. Still I can't help but entertain the thought every now and then. And I feel guilty for it every time. Prussia has been nothing but supportive and loving towards me and I truly feel the same about him. With all we've been through in the relatively brief time we've been together, we've become quite close. We should really knock off the threesomes, though. They complicate things too much.

And Canada...even here I don't want to talk about Canada.

On top of everything, my brother has invited himself to stay at my place. Now he and Australia are both staying with me. Gilbert and I haven't had a moment alone for some time now. And having Scotland around puts me on edge. I've nicked several more of his smokes when he wasn't looking. I don't know yet if he and Gilbert will get along ridiculously well or be at each others' throats. Time will tell there.

I do feel somewhat better after writing this. I might have to keep it up.

I am not prepared to tolerate this tripe anymore!

When will this whole Russia disaster be over with?! Just when I think it's over and I can move on with my life, here comes his madwoman of a sister, letting herself into my house and attacking me in my bedroom! And of course, even though I have three houseguests, no one was fucking even around at the time! Not that I needed their assistance; I can handle a nation like Belarus myself. But a little warning would have been nice! I don't have eyes in the back of my head! A few minutes earlier and she would have caught me in the shower and some cliche scene out of a horror movie no doubt would have transpired.

And just who was the asshole who told her I was the last one with Russia anyway?! I'll bet it was France. Some kind of revenge on his part. God damn Frog would probably have loved to see me stabbed.

And all this for what? Because I told America to break it off with Russia. Why is it every time I try to help one of my kids these days I just end up suffering for it?

...Well....still better me than them... I know I'm not a perfect father figure by any means, but damn it, I do try!

I am just really tired of people thinking the United Kingdom is a nation to be fucked with. Just because I'm not the superpower I once was does not mean I am a bloody pushover! I will not be humiliated any longer!

I'll keeping my pistol with me from this point on.The next time Russia or Belarus come near me, it's war.

I've had quite a number of relatives whom I don't often see visiting me as of late. Just this week, I've had Hong Kong, Seychelles, and Sealand stop by.

Hong Kong was as he is usually. He expects me to keep him up to date on everything going on in the family, which admittedly is not an unreasonable request, though our family is quite large and even I have difficulty keeping up. He has a tendency to get a bit personal, though. I have no intention of discussing my sex life with him or any of his siblings, no matter what guilt trip he may attempt to fling at me. Other than that, his visit was pleasant. He...had to leave suddenly, though. Gilbert had surprised me with... Nevermind. Anyway, Hong Kong left so suddenly, I forgot to give him his key. He did voice his concern about Seychelles, though. I was not aware they were friendly enough with each other for that.

I did see Seychelles, but it was a brief visit and America was there as well. If something was bothering her, she may not have wanted to say anything in front of him. Though I can't be certain she would have felt comfortable telling me about whatever is bothering her regardless. I shall have to invite her over for tea again when it can be just the two of us. Though with all my house guests, who can say when that will be. Perhaps I should just meet with her at another location.

Most surprising of all was Sealand. Usually his visits involve him sneaking in, calling me a jerk, and breaking something before running off. Last night, however, he came over because he was upset. I can't remember the last time he came to me for comfort. Certainly not since I denied responsibility for him...It seems he made friends with Latvia at some point and had a fight with him. Sealand never did say over what...only that he felt like he couldn't do anything for him. Peter has a lot of pride for someone so small. I know that feeling must be rough on him. I hope I was able to console him at least a bit.

I let him stay on the couch last night. It was so late by the time we were done talking. He's still sleeping there now. Hopefully Prussia and Scotland will leave him be. Normally I'd let them pick on Peter a little bit - its no harm and he often asks for it- but now is not a good time for that. He's got enough on his plate.

I…do not know what to make of the last couple weeks. The time during which I was affected by magic is a blank in my memory. This is a blessing that if I were fully aware of all my actions as a child, I would certainly be even more humiliated than I currently am. I hope there are no pictures…

At the same time however, I feel useless. I have been an inconvenience at best, and judging from the state of things when I awoke, I was not around when I was needed. And even though I am back to normal, I still don’t understand all the causes and so addressing the issues is proving to be difficult. Gilbert and France’s predicaments were easy enough to figure out. People should really stay away from my magic…

Even after speaking with Canada, I do not fully understand what happened between him and France to cause their breakup. I apparently played a central role in it, though I don’t know how. What could I have done as a child that would drive a rift between them? France surely just used the opportunity to harass me and laugh it up, right? Just as I know Sedgwick did. I owe him an ass kicking now that I think on it…

I would be lying if I said part of me wasn’t glad they’ve separated. I’ve never liked the housewife position Canada takes when with the Frog. It’s demeaning. Though I also know Canada was happy like that, for whatever reason. I’m hesitant to advise him because I don’t know what is truly best for him at this point. I want him to be happy, but I don’t want him to lower and debase himself either. Maybe I’ll just take him out to the pub for a pint.

I found Sealand upset when I awoke as well. He still has apparently not gotten over whatever happened between him and Latvia. He wouldn’t talk to me, so I don’t know what to do there either. Perhaps I should just ask Latvia? Though that would probably anger Sealand as well. I suppose it makes little difference. He’s not exactly fond of me to begin with.

Still…I was never aware that he could both see and speak with the faeries…I always thought no one else in the family past my generation had inherited that ability.

And of course, there is the bomb Germany and Israel dropped, which Gilbert did not take well at all. Gil’s…uncertain status as a nation has been pointed out as a concern to me before, but I always just ignored it. It was not until that night that I realized just what sort of position Gil is in. He really thought he was going to die…and I must confess to being concerned as well. He has taken on the role of East Germany but…It’s hard to say if that was the position meant for him. I avoided the thought, but now it has demanded attention. And after seeing Gilbert so visibly afraid… I worry that maybe he is weakening… He seems strong enough but after seeing his reaction, I wonder if there isn’t something he hasn’t told me. I am worried for him…