Sealand's - Nation To Be - Journal!

I found this great do it yourself site online that taught me how to make this journal! It was a lot of fun, but now I have to use it. It would just be a waste of materials and money if I didn't use it. I could use it for a ledger of sorts for what needs doing, but theres so much paper in here! I never want to have that many things that need to be done! But writing in this definitely isn't as fun as making it was, I do love making things so, but I only get a headache when I write here. I think my eyesight is getting worse, stop it eyes! I need you! Though I have the same problem with the computer, and theres no way I'd let a stupid headache stop me from that! How else would I learn things if I didn't have the internet!?!

But I'll keep this short, I do have a lot to do. There are still so many leaks that need fixing! If I don't fix them I'll just disappear one day and then where would I be! Ever since the fire I've been worrying more about that sort of thing. It always feels like I'm falling apart! Stop it body! I'm still young, I can't be falling apart yet!

On that note I'll end this entry! I'm gonna work hard and be the best someday! Just you wait and see journal! Lets both dream of a day when I'm a real nation with real nation problems instead of falling apart problems!!

I did something bad today. I made Raivis cry, and all because I couldn't keep my pride to myself. We were having an argument, and I said something that upset him a lot because I wanted to win the argument no matter what. I knew I shouldn't have said it the minute it was out, but it was already there, I couldn't take it back. I could have apologized, but I coudn't even do that, I just couldn't say it even though I really wanted to. I felt really bad after that, so I probably treated him badly, but Raivis didn't laugh at me or get angry at all. Instead he invited me over and gave me food he'd made himself.

I was happy about the food, but I felt even worse after eating it. It was so yummy too, I didn't want to seem ungrateful, so I tried to enjoy his company for a while more, but I simply couldn't. I just wanted to scream in irritation and run home. Why can't I do something so simple as not saying stupid things, or to at least say I'm sorry when I do something wrong! Its just a few simple words, but I just couldn't say them.

I've always thought that our friendship is horribly one sided. He listens to me when I complain about everyone else, and he gives me food and drinks when I can't afford them, and I can't do anything but make him upset. Its not like his government can gain anything by being friends with Sealand, the unrecognized nation, the pest. Normal friends can be friends and give and take, their relations improve and they have allies when they get into a bind, but I'm not a nation. I can't do any of that. Some times I think he just spends time with me because I'm not a nation, I could never do anything to him because I'm so small and useless.

Reading over this makes it seem like I'm blaming him, but I'm not. I just need to hurry up and become a country so that I can help him too. If things continue this way I'm sure he's going to need better friends than me eventually, then I'll be back to square one.